why I love amazon.com

so I finally ventured to the mall yesterday. it was all I thought it would be and more. I didn't even go to christmas shop, just a quick in and out to get Desmond some mittens to wear when they go outside at school. on a side note, I decided to get him the mittens not only because it's damn cold outside, but he looks like a ward of Alcatraz pacing around outside with his hands shoved in his pockets. I imagined him about to shank someone and thought, just get him some mittens. I've digressed (and revealed way too much about the state of my sanity, let's move on), so we go to the damn mall to prevent a homicide (because that's really the only time it's ok to go to the mall this time of year). I call up the store I intend on purchasing said mittens from and ask them where I should enter the mall (yes, to avoid being in any part of the mall I don't have to be). I'm so smart. or am I? I proceed to drive (literally) circles around the mall for 15 minutes looking for Dillard's (my fantastically convenient entrance). well nobody told me that Dillard's is actually considered the rear end of the mall (if the mall was a breathing, living person). yes, I am circling this damn mall for what seems like an eternity trying to land on it's ass. I finally find it and it's preceded by JCPenney and Sears if this puts any perspective on the situation. once I get the kids out of the car, we do find the mitten store very quickly. but keep in mind- I am still in the butt of the mall. anyway, what should be a quick mitten fitting becomes a writhing on the ground (both kids) fight where people are staring. the 11 month old is screaming at a decibel not known to the human ear and the 3.5 year old is insisting (read screaming) that it hurts him, yes, hurts him to try on mittens. cut to the 11 month old trying to escape on hand and foot. the other one is looking at me (don't forget screaming as well) in a way that implies that I've kidnapped him. we get out of there before social services is called and get out of the ass of the mall somewhat unscathed.